My Intercultural Marriage
Hello and welcome to My Story section.In January 2013 I found myself in a long distance with my loving partner Gautam, I met Gautam while he was in the uk on a two year visa; it was definitely love at first sight.
 |
| Gautam and I's first photo |
How we met
Gautam and I originally met through a mutual friend, Jan. With all thanks to her because I don't know where I would be today. I also believe that Gautam was sent into my life for a reason this reason being that he is to be my lifelong partner. Jan on many occasions showed me pictures of Gautam, and she would often say look at "Jessie's" new profile picture, her name for Gautam was Jessie. Jan then took me into her work on Bonfire Night in 2012, and "Jessie" was sat at the bar, we exchanged eye contact and a hello...just, damn he was super cute, I got butterflies and was completely stuck for words!At first I wasn't interested in a relationship because I had not had much luck in dating and I used to make it obvious that I wasn't interested in dating either. Secretly and not knowing to anyone I thought he was a very good looking guy! I kept this a secret as I never would have thought he would be interested in me, not for one second but unbeknown to me my luck was about to change!
The beginning
Within a week the mystery "Jessie" messaged me on facebook, he introduced himself as Gautam, we started by having just a general conversation, within a couple of hours of facebook messaging we then exchanged numbers. The more we spoke the more I realised what a genuine guy Gautam actually was. He then asked me to meet up with him, at the time Gautam just lived in my neighbouring town just a fifteen to twenty minute drive away. At first I didn't have the confidence to go so all morning I tried to keep putting it on hold and was trying to think of a genuine excuse, until i sat and asked myself what would I lose by going on a date with Gautam? I could justify myself for not going so I gained the courage to go meet him.
We planned to meet just after dinner as this is when we were both free, I picked him up from Wetherspoons, and we drove to the neighbouring village and sat in a local bar and we spoke for a while with some refreshments.
 |
| Our destination for first date. |
After our time in the bar we then went back in my car and we passed a lay-by which was a perfect place to sit and talk and stare gaze!
 |
| Our safe haven! |
Little did I know I would sit there and watch the sun come up, not just on our first date but for many dates after this! We met up every day after our first date up until Gautam left the UK. Every day since then I had a predominant smile on my face. I knew from the First few dates that me and Gautam were definitely meant to be together.
I will always remember mine and Gautam first trip to the supermarket, Gautam picked up a card and passed it to me and he said this is for you, I turned the card around to read: For my loving Wife at Christmas, I replied quickly with "you wish", we left the shop and Gautam then explained to me that his astrologer had told him that during his last few weeks in the UK he would meet his lifelong partner. Little did we both know that this was so accurate to the truth.
Firstly, I introduced Gautam to my mum after a week of dating because he used to come over and sleep for a couple of hours before we both had to go back to our daily lives, my mum and Gautam have a great relationship! It was on New Year's Eve that I took Gautam to my town to meet all my friends. Traditionally in my hometown everyone stands at the market place and wishes each other a happy new year. When the clocks struck twelve we had our first public kiss and we both made a promise to each other to have a happy 2013 with many more years to come.
It was time to talk about Gautam's visa, I knew when I started dating Gautam that he only had a couple of months left on his visa. While we were out having fun on our dates time caught up and we had to decided what our next step in our relationship would be... we decided the most mature route by following the law, We both followed our heart and the decision we decided was for Gautam to go back to India and I would go with him. My promise to Gautam and his family was that if I went to India I would have a traditional wedding ceremony. So me and Gautam filled out my Indian Visa online and processed it in the nearest Indian embassy office. It took us a two days to find the embassy office, on one day we went up to look for the embassy and I just couldn't find Rose Street so instead we went for dinner at pizza hut.
The next day we left earlier and went up again through perseverance and Gautam's wise instinct we found the embassy just a few doors away from pizza hut!
We processed my application but we were told that it would take 7 working days for my passport and visa to be ready. Gautam only had 4 days left. He had to go back without me.
On January the 12th 2013, Gautam had to leave for his travels back to India in order to have his passport stamped by the 13th. We spent the day shopping in Edinburgh and Gautam booked the last available train that night but It never sank it that he was really leaving until I dropped gautam off at the train station, this was the hardest thing i've ever had to do in my life. I physically had to drive my own car to the train station to say goodbye to the love of my life. Gautam missed his train but he caught the next one which had luckily arrived late, there was no time for a real goodbye he got his luggage on the train and the assistant started blowing his whistle for me to move away from the train, I wasn't stepping away until I got to say goodbye to my honey! Gautam ran back to the door give me the tightest hug ever, he gave me a kiss told me he loved me and the train drove away, it all went too quickly I dropped straight to my knees and broke down in tears, I couldn't talk to anyone!
I returned home to the comfort of my mum's arms, we were all so devastated that someone who had a place in our hearts had to leave so quickly. My mum gave me the best support that anyone could ever ask for, she really was my rock who is willing to stand by every decision I make in life, whether them decisions are right or wrong, as only you as a person can decide if that decision is right or wrong for you. I told and discussed with my plans to go to India to my mum, she was hesitant at first but she supported my decision of following my heart and going to India. My mum knew what it was like to leave your family and live and visit and familiar ground. I knew I was taking a big risk and there was added pressure as I had to fly there and back alone.
I told a selected few of my friends, some of whom broke my trust. My father never had been accepting of Gautam in my life, in fact he had been pretty damn rude about him at the start. I was more scared to tell my father that I was going to India than what I actually was going to India, my father found out through my friends, he wasn't happy to say the least.
People judged (and still do) Gautam and I's relationship, this made me more adamant to follow my heart, not to everyone's agreement. From the moment Gautam got on the train I knew for sure that he was my life partner and know one could get in our way.
I will always remember mine and Gautam first trip to the supermarket, Gautam picked up a card and passed it to me and he said this is for you, I turned the card around to read: For my loving Wife at Christmas, I replied quickly with "you wish", we left the shop and Gautam then explained to me that his astrologer had told him that during his last few weeks in the UK he would meet his lifelong partner. Little did we both know that this was so accurate to the truth.
Firstly, I introduced Gautam to my mum after a week of dating because he used to come over and sleep for a couple of hours before we both had to go back to our daily lives, my mum and Gautam have a great relationship! It was on New Year's Eve that I took Gautam to my town to meet all my friends. Traditionally in my hometown everyone stands at the market place and wishes each other a happy new year. When the clocks struck twelve we had our first public kiss and we both made a promise to each other to have a happy 2013 with many more years to come.
 |
| our first new year together 2013 |
How we ended up in a long distance relationship
Our relationship got pretty serious, pretty fast but not to everyone's agreement.It was time to talk about Gautam's visa, I knew when I started dating Gautam that he only had a couple of months left on his visa. While we were out having fun on our dates time caught up and we had to decided what our next step in our relationship would be... we decided the most mature route by following the law, We both followed our heart and the decision we decided was for Gautam to go back to India and I would go with him. My promise to Gautam and his family was that if I went to India I would have a traditional wedding ceremony. So me and Gautam filled out my Indian Visa online and processed it in the nearest Indian embassy office. It took us a two days to find the embassy office, on one day we went up to look for the embassy and I just couldn't find Rose Street so instead we went for dinner at pizza hut.
 |
| where we gave in our search for the embassy and stopped for dinner |
 |
| rose street is just metres away from pizza hut! |
We processed my application but we were told that it would take 7 working days for my passport and visa to be ready. Gautam only had 4 days left. He had to go back without me.
On January the 12th 2013, Gautam had to leave for his travels back to India in order to have his passport stamped by the 13th. We spent the day shopping in Edinburgh and Gautam booked the last available train that night but It never sank it that he was really leaving until I dropped gautam off at the train station, this was the hardest thing i've ever had to do in my life. I physically had to drive my own car to the train station to say goodbye to the love of my life. Gautam missed his train but he caught the next one which had luckily arrived late, there was no time for a real goodbye he got his luggage on the train and the assistant started blowing his whistle for me to move away from the train, I wasn't stepping away until I got to say goodbye to my honey! Gautam ran back to the door give me the tightest hug ever, he gave me a kiss told me he loved me and the train drove away, it all went too quickly I dropped straight to my knees and broke down in tears, I couldn't talk to anyone!
I returned home to the comfort of my mum's arms, we were all so devastated that someone who had a place in our hearts had to leave so quickly. My mum gave me the best support that anyone could ever ask for, she really was my rock who is willing to stand by every decision I make in life, whether them decisions are right or wrong, as only you as a person can decide if that decision is right or wrong for you. I told and discussed with my plans to go to India to my mum, she was hesitant at first but she supported my decision of following my heart and going to India. My mum knew what it was like to leave your family and live and visit and familiar ground. I knew I was taking a big risk and there was added pressure as I had to fly there and back alone.
I told a selected few of my friends, some of whom broke my trust. My father never had been accepting of Gautam in my life, in fact he had been pretty damn rude about him at the start. I was more scared to tell my father that I was going to India than what I actually was going to India, my father found out through my friends, he wasn't happy to say the least.
People judged (and still do) Gautam and I's relationship, this made me more adamant to follow my heart, not to everyone's agreement. From the moment Gautam got on the train I knew for sure that he was my life partner and know one could get in our way.
My First Journey to India
Going to India was the hardest decision I have ever had to make because I knew I was making it alone. For the previous four days before I left my head was completely confused, and I was petrified to go to India, people made me question my decision, which is the only regret I hold because no one should ever make you question yourself! I called Gautam's Auntie (who lives in the UK now) in tears four days before I left because I was so scared and I changed my mind and didn't want to go to India, she was so calming, reassuring and supporting, she answered every question I had about India. I already had packed my bag, but in the mean time I changed my mind, I called gautam and told him I wasn't coming he was devastated and he gave me the time I needed to think straight about my decision, I sat down with my mum the day before I left and weighed up the positives and negatives, everything was rushing through my head, things like;
Gautam and I have faced many obstacles during our marriage but nobody or nothing can tear us down and we will live on to tell Our Story.
- Will Gautam be there to pick me up?
- will my flight depart?
- Will his family accept me?
- Am I being used?
- Will my life be in danger?
I am happy and proud to tell you all that I stopped listening to what other people filled my head with, and listened to my heart and what all the positives would be. I accepted and understood that by going to India I would gain a loving family, life experience and more importantly a guaranteed life partner. I called Gautam in the morning of my departure to tell him I had changed my mind and I was definitely coming, I left my town and set off to London, my final destination would be Amritsar, India. I made a decision with my mum and Gautam, that if my flight didn't depart it was never meant to be, as there was a lot of snow and a lot of flights being cancelled at heathrow that week. Luckily my flight departed, and I arrived in India on the 23rd of January 2013, I got through passport control, and I was collecting my bags, I had so many people staring at me, pointing and looking surprised, I was the only white person on my flight and I completely stood out. I was the most nervous person every coming out of Amritsar airport.
 |
| Golden Temple Amritsar |
When I walked out all eyes were on me and I couldn't see Gautam, I was shaking so much and then from the corner of my eye I stopped the biggest bunch of flowers ever and behind the flowers was my honey. I've never been so relieved to see anyone in all my life, he grabbed me so tightly and gave me the biggest cuddle ever. Gautam's auntie and two cousins were also there to greet me, they didn't talk much english and I didn't really know how to communicate with them, but gautam was always there to translate. Mummy ji, Daddy ji, and my Devar (brother in-law) were all at home getting the finishing touches in the house completed. I never expected my in laws to completely change their house for my arrival, they added a boiler for a hot shower, shelves in the bathroom, a fitted wardrobe and painted the upstairs of the house. When we arrived home it was pretty overwhelming, it took me a few days to completely settle in and feel comfortable in my surroundings. I loved my in-laws from the moment I met them, and they mean so much to me! I've never felt so accepted in a family and life in all my life. On the 28th of january me and Gautam had how special day, we had a traditional ceremony.
Gautam and Daddy ji organised the majority of our ceremony which made it extra special, my special day was better than what I could ever imagine.
 |
| After our ceremony |
Going to india and marrying Gautam was the best decision I have ever made in my life. This is my life, I make the decisions I make because I am the author of my of life.
 |
| At our ceremony |
No comments:
Post a Comment